Today was my first day at an unpaid internship in the historic and beautiful area of Philadelphia, Old City.
When the summer began to wind down, I was starting to feel both internal and external pressures of finding a full-time job. Internal because there are days where I do absolutely nothing except lay in my pool and read, which sounds relaxing and not something to complain about, but it makes me feel like a waste of life from time to time. I guess I’m also worried about the gigantic amount of college loans I have to pay back, but they’re deferred for another few months, so let’s just worry about that later.
External from the obvious, my parents, as well as extended family who love to ask the infamous post-grad question that every recent grad dreads, “So, what are you doing now?”. “Well, let’s see Aunt Sally you just asked my mom two days ago, so I think you know I’m still doing nothing”. Frustrating to say the least, right? . But also from everyone else on social media, waking up everyday to Facebook posts like “Proud to announce that I have officially accepted a full-time position at _______ (fill in your glamorous work place here).
Does this make me sound jealous? Yes.
Does it mean I am jealous? Probably to some degree.
Then I realized that I don’t want a job that I’m settling for just because I feel like I need to rush and accept an offer from any company that will have me. I want to do something everyday that I’m interested in and something that will strengthen my career path. Someone once told me that “You’ll never work a day in your life if you do something that you love” and it’s true.
I know, would a steady paycheck be nice right now? Yes. And would I be more at ease having a stable job? Probably. Would I get in less fights with my parents? Absolutely.
But for now, I’m finally doing what I want to do, not doing something else because I feel like I have to. I’m 22 years old, right now IS the time that I get to live for me and only me. I am my first priority. And yes, maybe that sounds selfish, but I think sometimes we’re allowed to be selfish, because if you’re never selfish, you may never get what you want,and that is no way of living.
Be passionate about what you do in your life. Choose something that makes you wake in the mornings with a smile on your face. Do whatever it is that makes you happy.
Shailene Woodley stated these words in an interview a few years ago and they have been hanging on my wall since; “I’m done living for other people. I’m done being a people-pleaser. I’m done thinking about what other people think.”
SO yea, for now, I might not be making big bucks, but I will one day. Just you wait and see.