The Random Things That Make My Weeks More Exciting

When working in a structured 9-5 schedule day in and day out, sometimes the days can become mundane and repetitive, almost like a merry-go-round. Aside from the weekends, you most likely do the same thing everyday from the time you wake up until the time it’s time to recharge your batteries again. For me, I typically come home from work and either do laundry, clean, occasionally go to the gym, and by occasionally I mean never, read, blog, watch TV, etc. Nothing too crazy.

But, sometimes during the week, there are small things I tend to get excited about and that’s what I want to write about today. It’s a snow day here in Philly and I have nothing but time on my hands, so here it goes.

1. Giveaways & Promos

In the blogging community, whether you’re a part of a structured organization of bloggers, or you just have your own community through your growing following, you often stumble across really cool deals, opportunities and promos.

Yesterday,  one of the blogs I follow along had a promo code up for a free trial for Rocksbox.com which I had never heard of but it’s similar to Ipsy and Birchbox but for jewelry! So, I’m waiting for my free package in the mail now, I’ll let you guys know how it goes! I’m also going to try and snag a free code for you guys too!

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2. Book launch team for one of your favorite authors? Say no more

This could have happened with or without my blog advantages, but I’m super excited about this. Paul Angone, author of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and All Groan Up, which I have featured on my blog previously, is releasing a new book in April titled 101 Questions for Your Twenties.

I was selected to be a apart of this book launch team along with 200 other fans and readers as we are awaiting our free copy in the mail! After reading, we will review the book on various platforms such as Amazon and Google reads as well as share on our social media. I will definitely putting s full in-depth review up on my site for everyone!

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3. Finding a face mask that actually works at a very reasonable price

I’ve been shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond for any and all toiletries, as well  as make-up recently, because their prices are so low for the same products I would typically buy at Target for full-price. Not to mention, they ALWAYS have coupons either for $5 of $15 or 20%off your order.

The winter has not been great for my skin so I’ve been on the hunt for a weekly face mask to help and I have finally found a winner! In addition to the mask, the face wash I bought has been a god send too. Both are photographed below!

4. Who doesn’t love free iced-coffee?

I’ll admit, everything about the Dunkin’ Donuts app is irritating anymore, but sometimes, it’s worth the hassle.

I’ve been receiving free beverages based on a point system, I received a free one for my birthday, and using the On-the-Go Mobile Ordering on the days off Flyers or Sixers games is worth it for $1 medium iced-coffees!

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So, maybe try the app again and save yourself some money. Those iced-coffees really do add up.

5. Snow day: no work and all pay

As I said before, it was a snow day in Philly. Yesterday was my birthday so I was able to go out and celebrate last night without worrying about setting an alarm for this morning. And the best part? It’s a paid day off & it might even be happening again tomorrow!

 

Cheers!

 

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Advice From Abroad: Travel, Travel, Travel!

As I’ve commented before, everyone’s life after college is going to look different as there are a plethora of lifestyles to live. While surveying different people on their post-grad life, I’ve been choosing people strategically to sharpen these differences and bring into focus why it’s so important to remember that everyone’s path is different after getting that diploma.

“I think that there is a general expectation, or maybe hope, that after you graduate college, you will have it all figured out.  For some, that may be true, but it certainly was not for me.  I knew where I wanted to be, but I had no idea how to get there.  I still feel that way.  There is a lot of undue pressure put on new college graduates.  As obvious as this may sound, you figure it out as you go and that is more than okay.” – Kate, Graduate Student in Edinburgh, Scotland.  

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Initially I was curious how she ended up in Scotland, as she is native to Philadelphia, so she gave me a brief background on what she did right after graduation from La Salle University. “I went on a service trip through La Salle to Kenya for three weeks, where I was inspired to fully pursue the course of study I am presently undertaking (international relations).  I continued to work at the Independence Visitor Center in Center City, Philadelphia where I worked for three years throughout college.  During that gap year, I applied to graduate schools throughout the UK.  I traveled with my mother to Belfast and Edinburgh to visit the two prospective schools I was torn between but now, here I am in Edinburgh!”

So basically, travel is in Kate’s blood and she wants to urge recent graduates to consider their traveling options now while they have the chance. “Please travel! It may be the first instance where you have a large amount of time to do so. There is no better way to connect with other people in this world and yourself.  I can promise you that you will never regret the money spent on making memories while traveling.”

Any transition, small or large, is going to be challenging so I asked her what her what her expectations were for post-grad life upon graduation and Kate commented that, “I knew it would be hard to transition from being a student for 16+ years to not being a student.  However, no one quite prepares you for that first August/September when you are not back in a classroom.  Personally, that was a tough adjustment because being a student was something I felt I was good at.  I had to figure out who I was without the “student” label.  A year out of school can feel like an eternity and adjusting back into being a student can feel just as strange, especially in a foreign academic system.  I still haven’t quite found the academic rhythm I used to have, and I am not sure I will.  However, I sure am having a lot more fun than I did throughout my undergraduate years and that sure is the best surprise!  I’ll take the memories made with awesome people over top marks any day and that has been the best realization I’ve come to in my post-grad years.”

Which I then followed up by asking what she found to be recurring frustrations surrounding her life right now which she answered, “This is probably a cliché answer, but I would have to say the uncertainty of what to do next.  I think at least once a day about how I am spending a lot of money on a fancy piece of paper that is a master’s degree to not be sure of whether or not I will be able to use the knowledge and skills I hope I am acquiring in the professional world.  That is a risk all students take who are pursuing higher education. You have to factor reality into your goals and sometimes that can be quite discouraging.” 

There is definitely something daunting about her last statement, but it definitely holds a lot of truth. However, hearing other people voice the same thoughts that I have in my head makes it somewhat less discouraging because it brings me to the realization that there is this whole community of twenty-somethings facing the same confusion and questions, and that makes post-grad life a little less extreme.

Although Kate stressed multiple times in her survey that she loves everything that is embodying her life right now, as humans, we still face obstacles. Kate added that, “The biggest obstacle I feel I faced and continue to face is myself and the own pressures I put on myself.  I have fallen into episodes of “Imposter Syndrome” where I did not give myself credit where credit was due.  My first postgraduate semester at the University of Edinburgh was a bit tough because of this.  It took me a while to feel that I deserved to be among my peers.  I wouldn’t say that I would do anything differently, but I wish I would not have psyched myself out so much and accepted that moving at your own pace or feeling like a rookie in new situations is perfectly fine.”

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It was interesting to see this answer come up because in the previous survey I conducted from a grad school student, their answer was pretty similar.

In addition to her advice on travel, Kate also encourages college graduates to keep in touch with former professors.

“After graduating, keep in touch with professors who have had a positive impact on your academic experience during your undergraduate education.  They will love to know what you are up to and love it even more if they knew how they have inspired you.  You will need them later as well if you intend to pursue postgraduate education and they will most likely be more than happy to help.”

Kate’s life in Edinburgh is a life that one should admire. Seeing all of her pictures from traveling to different countries throughout Europe makes me jealous but also so proud of her for having the courage to do something most cannot, which is moving out of your comfort zone and finding a home away from home on your own.

I asked Kate to leave me with some quotes she lives by and this one seems fitting.

“You’re looking at a middle-class guy. I am who I am.” – former Vice President, Joe Biden.

“I am proud of where I come from and the family I come from.  There is nothing I love more in this world than my family, friends who are family, and the city of Philadelphia.  I am a firm believer in the importance of remaining true to yourself and your roots.”

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

The Football Guidebook for Dummies

The time of year is upon us: the time when all the men (or potential men) in our lives retreat into the depths of man caves around the country and neighborhood sports bars become no-girls-allowed boys’ clubs. I’m of course talking about football season. The rules and nuances of the sport can seem overwhelming to the untrained eye and it seems impossible to even pretend to know what you’re talking about sometimes, but never fear. This is exactly why I’m here to help! I’m going to give all of you a run-down on the need-to-know information for this football season, from the basics all the way down to penalties and players.

  1. First things first, the home team in Philadelphia is the Eagles, and we’re currently 3(win)-1(loss) on the season. Now that’s out of the way…
  2. We are part of the division called the NFC East. The other teams in this division are the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, and New York Giants. Any time we play these teams, it’s a big game.
  3. Some of the big name players you need to know:

             -Carson Wentz: QB 1, the greatest of all time, our Savior, and the King of Wentzlyvania. This guy is supposed to restore the Eagles to their former glory. This is Wentz’s second season and some are concerned he might fall into the sophomore slump. So far, he’s been pretty impressive, but there’s still a lot of season left.

           -Nelson Agholor/ Alshon Jeffrey: The life of the Eagles’ Wide Receiving core. These are the guys that Wentz is trying to throw the ball to most of the time. Last season, Agholor couldn’t catch the ball to save his life and all of Philadelphia chalked him up as a bust, but it appears that he’s worked on those bricks for hands this off-season and there might be some hope. Speaking of the off-season, the Eagles acquired Alshon Jeffrey in one of the most highly anticipated pick-ups in recent Eagles history. He was picked-up from free agency (don’t worry I’ll explain this in a bit) from the Chicago Bears.

          -Darren Sproles: Shortest player on the field at only 5’6” but boy can this guy move. He’s our slippery running back known for quick footwork and turning seemingly impossible plays into big yardage.

          -Zach Ertz: Carson’s favorite target and our Tight End. The tight end is a multi-purpose position. Sometimes they act like a blocker and sometimes they act like a receiver. He’s not the fastest on the field, but watch out for him to make some clutch 3rd down plays!

         -Fletcher Cox/ Lane Johnson: These are the big boys on the field. The linemen are there to make the big tackles and protect the quarterback

Now that we know some basics of the Eagles, let’s go over some of the most important rules and concepts of the game.

  1. Football is played five days a week, if you count college games! Sunday is the biggest day for the NFL, and Saturday for college. Thursday, Monday, and sometimes Friday games do occur every week though.
  2. The game starts with a coin toss. The captains of both teams meet at the 50-yard line. Whoever wins the toss can elect to receive the kick-off and start on offense or defer to receive the kick after halftime. Both have their advantages and the choice really depends on the team’s individual strategy.
  3. The football field is 100 yards long, with a goalpost and endzone at either end. To score points, the ball has to get into the endzone by either running or throwing it in OR kicking the ball through the uprights. A touchdown is worth 6 points on it’s own. After the touchdown, there’s the point after touchdown (PAT) attempt. The team can kick and get an additional 1 point, or go for a two-point conversion by running or throwing it into the endzone again. The kick is generally the safer option. A field goal on its own is worth 3 points.
  4. In order to move down the field, teams have four “downs” to go 10-yards. They can pick from a variety of plays in the playbook to try to get the next 1st down. If teams get to 4th down without getting the 10 yards, they have two options. If it is say 4th down and inches to go in a close game, a coach might decide to go for the last play and convert a first down. If they miss, however, it is what is called a turnover on downs and the opposing team gets the ball in that spot. This is why most teams will chose to punt the ball on fourth down, launching the football far down field with the punters kick.
  5. Not everything goes in football. There are a plethora of penalties that a team can incur.
    1. False start/offsides: if a player from the offense moves over the line of scrimmage before the quarterback snaps the ball into play, it is called a false start and it is a 5-yard penalty, which means the ball is moved backwards on the field five yards. The same goes for the defense. This is called offsides and it moves the ball forward on the field 5-yards. For example, say it is 2nd down with 7 yards to go and a player on the defense jumps over the line. The referee will throw a yellow flag and the next play will be a replay of 2nd down but there will only be 2 yards to go.
    2. Roughing the passer: The quarterback is considered sacred in the game of football. He is one of the few players in are not allowed to touch if they aren’t holding the ball. If a defensive player tackles the quarterback after the ball has left his hand, that’s a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down.
    3. Holding: Pretty much any player can be guilty of a holding penalty, but the most common offenders are the big lineman who are trying to let the running back or receiver get a few extra yards or stop someone from getting to the quarterback. This penalty will cost you 10 yards and is exactly what it sounds like, holding on to the other player to stop them from advancing.
    4. There are hundreds of different penalties in football and the more you watch, the easier you’ll be able to identify them.

There’s so much to know about football I could never fit them into one post, but here are some more miscellaneous things to know

  1. Free agency, that thing I mentioned earlier with Alshon Jeffery, means that a team can get that player by just offering them a contract. No trade is required because the player isn’t contractual obligated to any team.
  2. Games are divided into four 15-minute quarters with a break after the 2nd quarter called half time. While theoretically the game should only last an hour, with stoppage of the clock, penalties, and other things most games last around three hours.
  3. If the score is tied at the end of the four-quarters, there is a sudden death overtime period of 15 minutes. The first team to score wins.
  4. The quarterback is usually the player that throws the ball but there are some trick plays where the running back might throw the ball to confuse the defense. This formation is called the Wildcat.
  5. There is only allowed to be one forward pass on any play, but the player with the ball can toss the ball backwards to another player to keep the play alive. This is called a lateral pass.
  6. A safety in football is a defensive position but is also the name of what happens when offensive players holding the ball are tackled in their own end zone (the one opposite of where they are trying to score). When a safety occurs the defensive team gets 2-points. These are pretty rare but do happen.
  7. An interception is when the defense catches a pass from the quarterback instead of the wide receiver. They can run as far as they can until they get brought down. An interception is also known as a pick and if the player runs all the way back down the field and scores a touchdown, it is called a pick-6, due to the 6 points a touchdown is worth.
  8. There are three separate squads of players on each team: the offense, the defense, and what is known as special teams. Special teams players can be on the other two squads too but they are the ones who are on the field for kick-offs, punts, PATs, and other plays that aren’t necessarily offense or defense specific.
  9. Sometimes teams will call a timeout righhhhhht before a kicker goes to kick a field goal. This is called “icing the kicker” and is meant to throw the kicker off in the hope that they will miss the kick. This usually happens right at the end of the game when the kick is going to decide the winner.
  10. One of the most confusing concepts for a football novice is the on-side kick! An on-side kick is used when a team is down in points with only a short time left in the game. Instead of launching the ball all the way down the field like on a traditional kickoff, the kicker bounces the ball off the ground and into the air. As long as the ball travels forward a minimum of 10 yards, the kicking team is able to recover. They are not always successful in recovering and it gives the receiving team great field position closer to the end zone, which is why it is rarely used early on in the game.
  11. Another way a team can turnover the ball is through a fumble. A fumble is when the running back, receiver, or even the quarterback loses the ball after getting hit by a defensive player, but before their knee hits the ground, which would rule them down by contact. Once the ball is fumbled either team can recover it, which often leads to a large number of players in a pile wrestling for the ball. The quarterback is a little more complicated when it comes to fumbling. If the quarterback loses the ball in the process of throwing the ball, or when his arm is coming forward, it is just an incomplete pass. For the quarterback to fumble, the ball has to go backwards.
  12. You may have heard the phrase “move the chains”. This refers to what happens when a team gets a first down and the literal chains that measure out 10-yards in length are moved down the field. You will see the chains on the sidelines with two orange poles at either end to help gauge how much further a team has to go to reach the first down. When you watch on TV they project a yellow line onto the field so you can see the 1st down line.

Is your brain fried yet? I know it is a lot and this is barely breaking the surface in terms of football information, but this will definitely get your foot in the door of football conversations for the rest of the season. Don’t be intimidated by the people who seemingly know everything there is to know about the sport. My suggestion? Fake it ‘til you make it and don’t be afraid to ask questions!

There’s still a lot of season left and plenty of time to learn some more. Good luck and let’s go Birds!

23/Male/Heartbroken

We were the couple that would playfully argue about who loved each other more. “I loved you first, therefore I love you more”, she used to say. It was never with any intention of winning. It was just a cute way for us to pass the time; a playful game to see who would give up first. I can tell you that, eventually, I did win.

She gave up first.

We had a history. We met way back in high school through mutual friends. We talked a decent amount, and we hung out here and there but it didn’t lead to anything serious at the time. I was older, and preparing to go to college, while she was younger and still had years left of high school to see out. I didn’t think it would work at the time, but she did. I would ghost on her frequently, often times not returning texts or canceling plans. I’ll be the first to admit I could have handled that situation better, and I was not particularly understanding or as nice as I could have been to her. She could have given up on me. She probably should have. She didn’t.

Knowing what I know now it’s time I wish I could have back.

It wasn’t until years later, about halfway through my junior year of college, that we reconnected in a substantial way. After making plans and abruptly canceling them (again) we finally started spending time together. I was like any other 21-year-old guy; just happy to have a consistent lay. Even though I could feel something more significant blooming between us I couldn’t really see what was happening; what was very clearly staring me in the face. I figured it was just sexual desire or something like that as I was still very much that asshole that strung her along for years.

Finally, about a month after we reconnected, I realized what was happening; I like this girl. I might even love her. We started dating, and I wouldn’t reveal that to her for another five months.

I regret not telling her every single day, because I don’t get to say it anymore.

We separated in May. We were together for two years. The break-up wasn’t some aggressive, rage-induced screaming match over a scandalous night of infidelity, or any other reason that people would typically associate with a break-up. I think I would have preferred that because that would have given credence to a clear, identifiable reason. Don’t get me wrong – there was still plenty of sobbing from both of us. We just had a conversation in which she calmly explained to me that she had lost faith in us. She didn’t have confidence in our relationship, and it wasn’t something she could handle anymore. I can certainly accept and acknowledge those feelings. That does not mean I understand them. It felt like the, “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed”, of breakups. It left me confused, and made me feel pain I never thought was possible. I always thought of myself as a tough and resolute person. I could tough out anything and anyone. With a couple of sentences and a good-bye hug this girl had brought me to my knees, beaten and broken, and left me there.

It would be unfair of me to solely blame her for us not being together anymore. I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons for that, and I don’t doubt my own culpability. God knows I could have been a better partner, and I have my regrets. There are things that I said and did that I wish I never had, and vise-versa.  But what I am having the hardest time with is the fact that she wasn’t willing to keep going. As stated I don’t fully understand why we split, but before it happened I did feel a shift in our relationship. Something didn’t feel right, and I believe it was this shift that caused her to pull the plug. It felt like a big, ominous shadow looming over us. However, it wasn’t always like that, and I truly believed that it wouldn’t persist. I expressed that to her more than once. You have your up’s and your down’s in a relationship, and if you love someone you work through them as best you can. I was ready to fight for her and our relationship because I loved her more than anything in the world. I still do. Walking away was just something I wasn’t willing to do. I think I’m more afraid of what that says about me than it does her.

I am still very much in love with her, which is unfortunate to say the least. It’s a feeling I haven’t been able to shake, and I’m not sure it will ever really go away. I genuinely thought I was going to marry this girl. It was even something her and I discussed a few times. Our naivety, in hindsight, is not lost on me. It is this continued love that has been my biggest obstacle. When you love someone more than you love yourself it’s a difficult feeling to shake. I often wonder if she still feels the same way.

We talked and saw each other sporadically for about two months after we broke up, and I expressed the way I felt a few times. She did not, and that is okay. She told me that we needed space from each other, and it’s been over a month since we have spoken. Given the time and lack of communication it’s hard not to wonder what she’s doing – or who she’s doing it with.

I would imagine this period of disconnect speaks for itself in one way or another.

When I originally approached the wonderful creators of this blog about this guest post it was with the intention of helping others. This has been my second “big” break-up, and while this one has hit particularly hard I thought that I might be able to provide some insight and advice to those who might be going through similar situations. “I’m fine. I am doing much better. I should write about it”, I told myself. I thought that I could share what I was doing to in my efforts to recover with the wonderful people who visit this blog. Your early 20’s is undoubtedly a difficult time, and failed relationships can muddle the already confusing brew of emotional (and physical, in some cases) stress one may be sipping on.

However, while I wrote this article I realized that I am not doing better. It’s been almost three months and I have made absolutely no progress in moving on. Every second of every single day is dominated by thoughts of her. Not all of them are sad, but even the happy thoughts sting a little. I spend a lot of time in my bed. I watch Netflix until 2 A.M. every night because I don’t sleep anymore, and when I do sleep my dreams are dominated by nightmares. I listen to a lot of the same songs her and I used to enjoy on my 40-minute commute to work every morning. Sometimes I cry, but I try not to. I avoid my mother because every conversation we have seems to lead back to my ex, which makes living at home more difficult than it should be.

My 3-year-old sister loved spending time with my her. I thought that by now she would have forgotten about her. A few nights ago, while at the dinner table, my sister gleefully asked me where she was. I replied with a half-smile and a simple, “I don’t know”. I went to my room and didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the night.

It’s easy to think you are doing better. You want to believe that you can simply pick up the pieces, and mosey right along whistling Dixie. Your true feelings always show, and it’s important to recognize when you’re just not okay. I also think that it is okay to not be okay. Everyone moves at their own pace. Sometimes you even need a little help. That is why I recently decided to go and see a therapist. I’ve never put much faith in therapy or it’s benefits, but at this point I think that any healing I’ve attempted to do on my own has failed. It couldn’t possibly hurt to try, and perhaps it could be helpful.

I realize that his guest post may seem a bit sad and depressing. Some of you may even think I’m just a whiner, and that I need to get over it and move on already. You’re probably not wrong. After thinking about it, though, the thing that I want people to take away from this post the most is that at our age it is important to appreciate the things that are in front of you now. The hustle and bustle of your 20’s can cause you to lose sight over things that are truly important, even those that you love, and before you know it those things are gone. That can be anything from relationships to friends or even your parents, god forbidding.

Appreciate who and what you have whenever the opportunity presents itself. Tell her how thankful you are when she wakes up early to drive you to work because your car is in the shop. Answer her calls even if you’re busy, or at least text her back and let her know you’ll call as soon as possible. Offer to drive over to her place for once. Ask her how her family is doing. Tell her how beautiful she is with or without makeup. Ask her to play your video games or watch sports with you. Hold her as tight as you possibly can when you lay down together. Brush her hair when she asks you to. Give her a kiss and tell her you love her just because you can. Listen to her when she is feeling down and hug. Being appreciative isn’t always about expressly stating so. Often, it’s just about putting that little extra bit of effort and showing you care.

I still go out and see my friends. I drink socially. I play soccer every weekend. I go to the gym a few times a week. I do try to spend some time with my family. I think it’s important after experiencing heartbreak, even if you’re feeling utterly defeated and hopeless, that you try to continue to be yourself even if you feel like half of you is missing. Don’t let it paralyze you. Some people, like myself, just need a little help is all. It is my hope that in a few months’ time I can follow up this post and share how I’ve gotten to that place because then I might be able to help someone.

Until then it is my sincere belief that eventually – hopefully – the dust will begin settle and I will be okay.

 

What You Want to Do Vs. What You Should Do: The Noise of Life

“Noise” is defined is defined by the dictionary as “a sound, especially one that is loud or unpleasant or that causes disturbance”. Life noise, however, has a different connotation in regards to many aspects.

Throughout life, there can be different forms of noise day to day. This noise is a distraction for many people when focusing on what makes them happy. Too many are focused on what makes others happy instead. Anyway you swing it, sacrifices are made for people we love and care about, but that’s part of any relationship. However, making life decisions and being indecisive because you don’t want to hurt others feelings is in turn constantly hurting the individual. It’s difficult to distinguish between looking out for those you love and looking out for yourself. The hardest part is that there is no right answer; the answer is within each person’s way of living life.

People, places and things create a lot of noise in life. Personal appearance in social situations is one of those noises. What is there to do tonight? Who is going to hang out with me? I’ve had this outfit since high school and still wear it, does it matter? My makeup isn’t the newest addition of naked (or any type of naked for that matter), will they notice? There is such a stress on the way people look in social situations, it’s crazy. Everyone is judged on how they look, whether it’s a positive or negative judgement. Stressful, unnecessary noise. The way anyone presents themselves is individualized and is important to be left that way. The way someone dresses or looks does not need to change the way that person is perceived. Too many focus on external characteristics instead of truly getting to know people for who they are internally. Next time you meet somebody new, try talking to them with more decency. Even if you are already with friends, invite someone new in; find out who they are.

Another noise ringing constantly is about the way life is “supposed” to be like?

1. You should have a steady job by the age of 23.
2. You should be looking to date someone long term so you can have a family by age 30.
3. You should have a budget and be saving your money to buy a house, not spending so much of it.
4. But then there’s also: enjoy life while you’re young, you can save money later.

The word SHOULD is thrown around way too often. Life isn’t about right and wrong. The real question “should” be, what do YOU want your life to be like RIGHT NOW? Do we have to stress so much about the future? Who cares what’s going to happen in a year, or ten years. Why is it so frowned upon to just live for now and make good decisions based upon the way everyone wants them to be made? Because, in the end, life is about embracing feelings of the individual and who better to make decisions than the individual who is actually living that life? It’s up to them, not the rest of the world and the way things have been set into a precedent by our parents’ generation.

The loudest noise, in my opinion (because this is what I constantly feel), has become: will I upset “so and so” if I decide to do this? After all, it is what I want to do, isn’t it? But repeatedly I notice thoughts like, “but they don’t want to do that (or they disagree) so I should change my mind to make them happy”. It’s a way of unintentional perfectionism that I’m noticing is taking over these decisions. Perfectionism can be dangerous. I won’t tell them certain things because I feel they won’t agree/will judge me. And don’t get me wrong, I have learned that boundaries are very necessary to have. However, if you’re talking to someone, you shouldn’t feel like you must discount your feelings because you feel the other person will get upset or disagree with you. Avoiding upsetting others is close to impossible, so what’s the point of risking your own happiness to stress about others’ happiness when we cannot control that? I believe that everyone has a bit of perfectionist qualities; it’s important to not let them run your life.

Venting is something everyone needs, so it’s important to find a few people you can tell many things to without feeling judged. Sometimes it’s good to have those people to discuss different things with: one person for work situations, one for relationships, one for advice about friends, etc. Extra people means extra noise and that noise makes people second guess. For me, I find myself asking people, what would you do? Or what do you think? When in reality, does it matter? No. It’s more noise, it’s more unnecessary opinions, and it makes me feel like there is a right and wrong in every situation. Noise while making decisions really gets in the way and hinders the way people live their lives. Living a life this way is utterly exhausting and stressful, and for what? Live YOUR life the way YOU want to. Make your own decisions.

I’ll go a little bit in a different direction to finish. I truly believe the things I discussed and really am working on all of that for myself in my own life. However, there is another side as well. Most of us have people we are close to whether that be friends, family, significant others, or more than one. As much as it is important to live the way I have described above, it’s also just as important to make time and do things with those who mean so much. So sometimes, sacrifices should be made. And that’s okay, it’s part of life as well. Don’t want to go to a family reunion? Doesn’t matter, that’s something that is important. You’re not just attending to make others happy, but to spend time with those you love. And most importantly to enjoy it, because you truly don’t know how often you’ll get to do those things. That goes for friends and significant others as well. Sacrifices are always made in any type of relationship. Something may sound “better” or more fun than going to something “obligatory”. But that’s just the thing, it doesn’t always have to feel like an obligation, if these people are important to you, you will want to go. This is just as important to consider.

Life has so much noise in it, it is exhausting. But at the end of the day, the importance is to not get so caught up in all of it. Living your life and doing things that make you happy are so crucial. As well as making time for others. As the “entitled” generation, it’s important to have a balance between these things, which is extremely difficult but totally doable. Extra stress about decision making isn’t worth it. Simply, think, what do I WANT to do? Instead of what SHOULD I do? You may “hurt” people in the process or maybe they won’t agree with you, but that’s the noise we need eliminate from our minds. It takes a conscious effort to think in this way, and it’s challenging. But it could truly make a happier, more enjoyable life for years to come.

 

Making New Friends

By: Patrick Mintzer

Making friends is something that comes very easily to some people, yet can be very difficult for others. There is no exact science to making new friends. Even the idea of friendship is strange; meeting someone you’re going to spend all your free time with in a totally platonic way. Growing up there are three stages where  making new friends comes very organically: grade school, high school, college. When grade school starts your parents pick your friends for you by setting up playdates. In high school your friends are usually in your classes or in the same extracurricular activities. In college your friends are typically the ones that live in the same dorm building as you. Basically friendships start out of convenience. I am not trying to downplay the importance of a friendship because I have told my friends things that my family has no idea about. Friends are the ones you talk to when you start a new relationship so that way you don’t do anything stupid in front of this new girl/boy you are trying to impress. Friends are the ones that make you happy one minute and furious the next. It doesn’t matter though because come Friday night they are your first phone call when you are looking to have a few drinks and  drown out the mundane rat race we have fallen into.  As we get older some friends move away, some friends we grow out of, and some friends get involved in serious relationships so you don’t see them as much;  it sucks.

In my particular situation, I was the one who moved away. I was gifted with a great career opportunity that required me to move 6 hrs away from all of my friends and family. I’m what some call “an overly optimistic” person, so I saw this opportunity as nothing besides a glass half full moment in my life. The thought of moving to a place with no friends and family was intimidating at first. As mentioned in the beginning of this article, I am one who is able to make friends easily so I wasn’t concern, but I should have been. Making brand new friends at 24 is hard and terrifying at the same time. Having work friends is one thing, but it’s nice to separate work and fun so this is where we get down the nitty gritty. How does one make friends at 24? I tried all the tricks; I joined adult sporting leagues, went out to the bars, and even tried some dating apps.

The dating apps were  my first attempt. Living at home I never thought I would try dating apps, but being alone and using them for the right reasons, I was hoping it could be successful. It was not. I went on a few dates through tinder and bumble and found that the girl was either just looking for a free dinner, looking for a quick hookup, or was just someone I didn’t vibe with. I know there has been success stories with these apps but I found that these are more the exception than the rule.

Next I figured I would just go out to the bars by myself and see what happens. I’m a nice and fun guy, I should be able to make friends. Once again I was wrong. There’s three types of groups at bars; groups of girls, groups of guys, and mixed groups. Mixed groups are so into themselves they aren’t really talking to anyone but themselves, stonewalling any attempt I made to make friends. The group of guys are there to do 2 things, get as drunk as possible or trying and hookup with girls. The last thing these dudes want is some random guy coming up to them trying to start a spontaneous conversation. The group of girls is definitely the easiest to approach but it is important to approach with caution. Every girl’s first thought is going to be that me, a straight male, is just there to try and have sex with one of them which is not a good way to make friends. Another thing that happened to me was this group of girls used a trusting guy like me to buy them drinks all night. I walk out with a $200 bar tab and no new friends. So once again, going to the bar by myself, not the best way to make new friends.

Lastly I joined adult athletic leagues, softball and basketball. These are two sports I’ve always enjoyed playing and knew I’d at least have fun playing. Both leagues I joined were coed because I wanted to focus on the fun and less of the competition. This is where I found my friends. I went somewhere to have fun with like minded individuals and then I realized, it was never supposed to be so hard. It really just came down to finding people with similar interests and for me that was sports. Since then I’ve been living the good life.

For anyone that finds themselves in any type of similar situation that I found myself in my advice to you is just find something that you know you are going to have fun doing, whether that be sports,or volunteering, or anything you have a passion for,  the rest will come naturally.  

Why It’s Okay To Have An Unpaid Internship After College 

By: Shannon from You, Me & DC

You did it! You’re a college graduate. You finished your illustrious degree and you’re about to enter the real world. The only problem? The one place that wanted to hire you couldn’t bring you on as an employee and you’re stuck with an unpaid internship.

I get it. I’ve been there. I graduated with honors, was overly involved in college, had great work experience and yet nobody wanted me. I spent months applying and interviewing for jobs but would never hear back about full time paid work, instead I was offered an unpaid internship before I even finished the interview. I was flattered but that feeling didn’t last long. I felt snubbed, frustrated and frankly…really offended. I would struggle to fall asleep at night because I would constantly ask myself ‘What did someone else have that I didn’t?’ or ‘How could everyone else I know get a job, but I couldn’t?’ The world was against me but I had no other options. And maybe you don’t either. But that isn’t a bad thing.

An unpaid internship might put a bad taste in your mouth but grab a glass of water, rinse and spit because I am going to change your mind. An unpaid internship could be one of the best things you do with your post-graduate freedom.

A paying job that excites you and challenges you would be the goal but when that seems just out of reach, pivot and find what will help you get there the fastest. I’ve held salaried positions that left me bored and unsatisfied. Out of college, I took a job as an executive assistant at my dream organization thinking it would help me get my foot in the door. Instead, I was filing paperwork and running errands for higher ups while I watched unpaid interns doing real, substantial work. When I started graduate school, quit my full time job and entered the ~intern~ world once more, I found myself working on interesting projects almost immediately. It must be some unwritten rule but if you’re unpaid, the work you are assigned will likely be more meaningful.

Save for the internships that have you grabbing coffee exclusively (don’t do these), you will also be around the movers and shakers. You don’t need to be a salaried employee to become friendly with your coworkers. Unpaid internships are the best place to network. You are well placed to grab coffee with your director, chat up the technical advisors and pick the brains of the people who are in the job you day dream about. An unpaid internship is no one’s first choice but most people will understand if you’re using it as a stepping stone. You might not leave that internship with any money in your bank account, but you will be rich in connections. Connections can lead to job opportunities in the future and those opportunities come with a full salary and benefits.

If you’re trying to decide if an unpaid internship is worth it, ask yourself these two questions: Do I want to work here in the future? Does this organization align with my interests and values? If you answered yes to either of these questions, do it. When you take an internship at a company or organization that you identify with, you set yourself up for success. Maybe they are the foremost researcher in their field or you really connect with the company’s mission and values. These things matter and they are the things that will get you through the days when you’re working on something incredibly dull. It will also really help you keep a smile on your face when you have to head into Starbucks to work a second job to pay the bills.

The most important thing to remember is that it is temporary. If you hate it and it was a waste of time (been there), you can write it off as a learning experience and move on. If you loved it, maybe you find a way to stay until something paid opens up. In my experience, most organizations have more work than they have people. If you’re offering to stay as an unpaid intern, you’re not only going to earn brownie points, but also a strong network that will advocate for you when a salaried job opens up.

I am one of the most impatient people I know and when something isn’t working in my favor, I get frustrated. You probably do too. But put a smile on your face, volunteer for projects and keep looking forward because before you know it, you’ll have landed a really amazing job.