Post Grad Dating

If you thought finding a boyfriend in college was hard, you’re obviously still in college because trying to find a boyfriend once you’ve graduated is near impossible.
In college you’re constantly being exposed to new people, even if none of them fit your criteria for prince charming, at least you’ve got options. Once you’ve graduated, a lot of these outlets for meeting people disappear; so how’s a gal supposed to find a boyfriend now? The options don’t seem too promising: you can start dating one of your friends, hope to be introduced to a friend of a friend, meet someone randomly at a bar, or resort to apps like Tinder and Bumble. Neither of these options guarantees you’ll end up with a winner either.

Most of my guy friends would probably make great boyfriends, but that doesn’t mean I want them to be my boyfriend. We’ve gone through a lot together and that isn’t necessarily a great foundation for a new romance. I don’t need my boyfriend and potential husband knowing all of the dumb things I’ve done over the years.

Another con of dating one of your friends is upsetting the balance of your friend group. What happens when you fight or god forbid break up? You have to be prepared to be exiled from that friend group; worst case scenario or best case scenario, you share the friend group and alternate weekends out like the child of divorced parents. I won’t even suggest you both stay in the friend group because that’s just awkward and torturous for all parties involved. Some people are just better off as friends.

Possibly the most promising of the post grad options for meeting a man is through a friend of a friend, but this also leaves the most up to chance. Friends of friends can be a great resource for post grad dating. In my eyes it would be ideal to date a friend’s friend. You don’t have to worry about your date being a serial killer and they’re far enough removed from your life to not know too many dirty details.

The only kink in this plan is that it depends explicitly on your friends having other friends that you’d want to date. First, you need the friend with suitable friends, then you need them to make the introduction, then you need the guy not to be a weirdo. It’s a delicate situation, especially if it turns out that you don’t like the person all that much, you risk offending your friend.

Before going away to college was the norm, people pretty much depended on meeting their spouses randomly. My parents met at a bar, my dad and his buddies went to my grandparent’s house the next day for a barbecue and the rest was history. I can’t even put into words how strange I would find it if someone I met at a bar wanted to come to my parents house the very next day. It’s not hard to start talking to someone you don’t know at a bar, but it can be risky. You never know who you’re talking to; is this guy going to be the answer to your prayers or is he going to unwantedly follow you around for the rest of the night. Even less likely that you’ll find a potential suitor at a bar, imagine meeting a stranger at a coffee shop. I can’t help but think about how utterly strange that would be not to mention unlikely.

Thankfully apps like Tinder and Bumble let you be proactive in post grad dating so you don’t have to hold your breath for coffee shop guy. However, finding someone you’d even consider boyfriend material on these apps is like finding a diamond in the rough. You’ve got to be persistent, you’ve got to have patience and you’ve got to use up a lot of data every month. So you swipe for what seems like eternity, send out a few messages and then wait. Getting an answer is only half of the battle though because from there you have to materialize a conversation out of thin air. If the connection is there you can take the relationship off of Bumble and eventually into real life. Just be prepared to tell everyone you encounter for the rest of your life a fake story about how you met, perhaps at a coffee shop?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned since graduation, it’s that I don’t want to settle for anything, especially not for a love interest. Sure my contestant pool took a devastating loss after graduation, but that just means I’ll be more likely to recognize and commit to a good thing when its right in front of me. In college it was hard to keep someone’s interest, now it’s hard to even find someone worth interesting. Post grad dating is basically a waiting game. Wait for one of your friends to express interest, wait to get introduced to somebody, wait to meet someone randomly, wait for him to message you back on Bumble. As much as I want this waiting game to be over, at least the few prospects I have now are keeping me entertained.

Good luck out there ladies.

 

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I could be rich, or at least not broke if I wasn’t such a degenerate

Where is Ed McMahon when you need him? I could use a fat check in my name delivered to me right about now- student loans, car insurance, phone bill, credit card bills (my own fault), and just every day living expenses. Seriously, how does anyone afford to live if you weren’t already born into money?

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The system is ass backwards. It’s almost frowned upon if you don’t attend some sort of collegiate institution after high school, but for us that do, who think we’re doing the right thing for our parents and for ourselves in the long run, we’re the ones that are just frowning after the four years are up.

College: 4 of the most expensive years of your life where you generally take 120 credits of bullshit, except for the 5 or 6 classes that actually focus on your major, that usually don’t even happen until your fourth year. And all of the stress of tests and papers and finances, and of course all of the dreaded presentations, is all for one small piece of paper that basically says ” Hi, I’m the idiot who just cried every night for  four years, blacked out every weekend to forget all my weekday problems, which then turned into the weekday problems, gained weight, and went to 40 different classes to basically remember nothing from them, and guess what? I paid $60,000 for all of this.”  Keep in mind that this piece of paper is in a language that the average person can’t even read.

4 years and 1 expensive piece of paper later, and I still have no idea what I want to do. The worst part is that those four years of being a degenerate have just formed me into being a bigger degenerate, just with more debt.

See the problem?

It’s incredibly hard to save money right now. Between all the monthly payments I have to make that I mentioned before, I also mentioned the costs of everyday living aka my inner alcoholic, shopping addict, and food lover.

It’s honestly a vicious cycle. All week I can tell myself I’m going to stay in this weekend to save money and how nice it’ll be to take a weekend off and detox my body, catch up on some sleep, and just relax. Then Friday comes along… Around 4 o’clock I get ancy and realize how much I don’t want to sit in and how bored I’m going to be, with the occasional wave of FOMO that could be experienced. Then I take the plunge and start sending out the “What are you doing tonight?” texts to my friends and just like that, I’m spending $50.

Then on Sunday I’m hating myself for all the money I spent on drinks, ubers and hangover food, but on Monday I’m having the same attitude about not going out the following weekend then Friday comes..you get the point.

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I’ve always chose happiness over money, but I think soon I have to go with the money. I’ve accepted that I might have to work a job I don’t necessarily love for a year or two and then hopefully be able to afford to go back to school for something I’m more interested in, which will obviously just put me further into the hole, but it’s okay, I can defer my undergrad loans while in grad school haha. And if I really have to start going out less on the weekends to save, I think I can do it, I’m not a complete alcoholic.